Fibro Funk

I've been in a funk today with no ambition or drive. I tried to pull myself out of it, but still remain in that same mental state of mind. And though I used funk to describe where I am mentally, I wasn't really sure of it's meaning till I googled the word, funk, to see how it was defined:


Funk
1. cowering fear; state of great fright or terror
2. dejected, moody
3. music genre that originated in the the mid-late 1960s

I don't think fear defines me at the moment, so definition #2 probably best describes how I feel. Not sure if dejected fits me though, so googled it too to see what Webster would spill:

Dejected
1. depressed
2. downcast
3. lowered in rank and condition

I've not been lowered in rank, so I guess that means my funk comes from being moody and depressed. Not sure what would cause my mood to be down, but I suspect if I was to look for a culprit, fibromyagia would be found.

Too bad definition #3 isn't what I feel, because then I could dance to my funky music, instead of sitting here feeling like a leftover tater tot with no tummy to fill! :-)

Geez...if I don't quit writing I'll deal with more mental junk. Best if leave my mentality for another time and trust that tomorrow I will be done with this fibro funk.

Sleep

I wonder what it's like to sleep well night after night. It's close to 2am and I still can't sleep. I've dealt with insomnia most of my life for one reason or another. As a child, it was due to severe asthma. Tonight my sleeplessness is due to the fibromyalgia and pain in both knees.  Recently it was discovered that I have osteoarthritis. The good news is that the orthopedic doctor gave me a steroid shot in both knees, so they should feel better in a couple days. Now if I could get rid of the fibro pain....

I think insomnia causes or worsens issues in my life. When I don't sleep the fibro pain is acerbated, and then that causes me not to sleep. Ultimately causing my chronic fatigue. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to find a way out of. Exercise helps the fibro, but it can also cause more pain. I have to be careful to exercise every day, but not to exercise too much; and with being so tired all the time, I struggle to stay motivated to do anything. The lack of sleep and pain also cause depression, making the grief over losing both my parents a few years back linger.

Not sleeping well has also affected my memory. Though we all struggle with memory issues as we age, my memory problems became more of a concern, so much that my doctor ordered a brain scan done. I'm happy to say though, that she was pleasantly surprised to see that I do have a brain. :-) All was well with it too, so the doctor believes again that my worsening memory issues are due to my poor sleep habits and the chronic pain. That's a good thing...I guess. 

It seems almost daily lately I hear or read some news report that not sleeping enough can end your life earlier. How depressing is that??!!! Makes me so depressed I just want to sleep. But I can't!!!!

So anyway, what is is like to have a deep sleep every night? Are you in complete darkness, not remembering anything when you awaken? Do you have good dreams? I don't dream much...maybe because I don't sleep much and it's not usually a deep sleep when I do. Do mysterious beings clean your house while you're asleep. Maybe I never had any fairies or elves clean mine during the night because I never slept long enough for them to steal into my kitchen and wash my dishes without me knowing it. I wish I could tell them somehow that it's OK to do it while I'm awake! :-)

Anyway, it's good that the Lord got me back to this blog so that I had something to do while I was awake. I just finished reading my 70th book in the 2012 year...my goal was 50. I need another midnight hobby. Any ideas? 

I'll stop for now. It's 3am now and in just 2 more hours I will allow myself to make coffee. Woo hoo!!! I make myself wait till 5am just in case I can fall asleep before then. One of my sleep or sleeplessness rules. I may be falling apart everywhere else, but I do maintain my standards! :-)

I hope you had a great sleep. I'm going to lie back down and see if I can get some of that sleep I hear so much about.  

Pleasant Dreams!

Peggy