Listen

I'm in a bit of a fog and my right knee is bothering me. I'm trying not to think about the pain and focus on other things. That's always been the 1st step in my relief strategy...to distract myself.  So I hope now to get lost in my writing; and once I'm done maybe, just maybe, the pain will be gone. We'll see how it goes.... :-)

My husband, Marty, and I had a great talk the other day as we drove to meet my stepfather and brother for a Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant 55 miles away. We talked about listening. Marty would be sharing in a men's group the benefits of being an active listener. As a way to show how a wife can benefit from good listening, he asked how him listening well benefitted me and our relationship. Our discussion made the trip enjoyable; and by listening, we learned a little more about each other too. Listening does have it's value!

I believe we all want someone to listen to us. When my husband listens to me, I feel more loved. When he and others care enough to know how I think and feel, it reminds me that I am not going through life on my own. When not listened to, I feel devalued and alone. My husband wasn't always the best listener, but because he cared enough to make the effort to improve, our relationship became stronger and my love for him is deeper too.

My listening skills vary from day to day. I used to be better, but it's more difficult these days. I don't focus as well, probably due to lack of sleep and pain. I was told that when your brain deals with fatigue and pain, it can't focus as well on other things. I have to try harder now, but listening well is still worth the effort.  I don't want my husband, daughter, grandkids, and/or friends to feel unimportant or less than what they are to me. Issues with pain and lack of sleep do have an effect on me, but they aren't an excuse to not care. I need to give those I love, and anyone, the best I have at the moment; plus, there's so much we can learn from others. I can grow inside from what they share with me. So even if I only muddle through the fog enough to rate a 4 on that listening scale of 1 to 10, I can feel OK with myself if I gave my best...even if that best isn't what it used to be. And I believe those I care about will be OK with me too...just because I made the effort.

Writing did help me forget about the pain. Works every time...well most of the time anyway! Unfortunately, the pain is still there...time to look for a new distraction...maybe vacuuming, dusting, making the bed...OK, none of those sounds fun or like it'd be soothing to my knee. Maybe, I'll just have another cup of coffee and practice my listening skills as I watch TV. :-)
Peggy

Black Friday

I didn't plan on going to the after Thanksgivings sales, but then I woke up 3:00am, thinking "what am I going to do now?". Then it hit me, I can shop! Woo Hoo! There is one day a year that is made for insomniacs!!!!

I figured I'd better make some plans...think about who to Christmas shop for, and then check out the sale ads before I left. As I sat here looking through the Kohl's ads, I thought about the name, 'Black Friday', and it hit me why it was called that. It's pitch black outside!!! Isn't it amazing how well you can think in the middle of the night, or what can pop into your head out of nowhere??! I'd never thought about that before. Geez...and I've been hard on my brain! I've got a super brain! OK, maybe not super, but at least it's got some thoughts! Sometimes, it doesn't seem like it. :-)

You may think it's no big deal to come to some little realization like why 'Black Friday' is called 'Black Friday'; but in my world anytime it feels like my brain is clicking, it's a big thing.  Fibromyalgia affects your memory and focus, and the constant fatigue from not enough sleep makes it worse. I struggle with what's called 'fibro fog'. Because of that, it's easy to get excited over what might seem small or silly to some. When I feel like my brain works on all, or at least more, cylinders it makes me happy...especially when it's at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning! It's the start of a good day!

Enough chit chat...it's time to guzzle the rest of my coffee and head to Kohls!

Hope you have a great Black Friday (even if it's no longer black out when you wake up :-)!
Peggy

Running in the Night

All power had been shut off and now only a few stars lit the sky. With the tall buildings blocking that light, I ran in complete darkness. The marching of the militia had become louder. I could hear their boots shuffle quickly against the gravel and rifles were being fired nearby. They had to be just around the corner so I darted into the building next to me. I climbed the steps and at the top to the right, I saw a family with small children and a dog. They were trying to hide. We looked at each other but nothing was said by any of us. I could see the fear in their eyes...it was the same fear I felt. It hurt my heart that they must live, and possibly die, this way. I turned around though and continued to run to another part of the building. Seeing no real place to hide, I peeked outside from another door. The marching seemed distant so I was safe for now. I had to get home.

Fatigue swept over me but I knew the militia was never far away. There were too many of them and they'd taken over the city. I had to keep running. I turned into an alley, staying close to the buildings hoping their shadows would hide me. I heard steps again. I dropped into what seemed like a deep window well, not knowing if I'd be able to climb back out in the dark of  night. Falling as I hit the bottom, I feared I'd made too much noise and alerted others to where I was. Whoever was walking above passed though so again, I was OK for the moment. The well I was in was deeper than I'd expected, but there seemed to be holes where I could place my feet and enough to hang onto as I made my way back up the wall. Once at the top I had to get my bearings again. My body wanted to give out but I knew I had to keep going. It wasn't just about me.

As I continued my trek, it remained quiet except for gun fire in the background and an occasional blast that would light up the sky helping me to find my way back. I could see the building now. My right leg limped as I struggled down that last block, but finally I was safe. I opened the door and stepped into an area of the house that had previously served as a kitchen to everyone. My room was in the latter part of the complex. Before I had time to make my way back to it I heard shuffling in a nearby room. Someone was near. I had to hide. I darted behind a cabinet but knew I wasn't well hid. There wasn't time to find another spot though. I couldn't see anything, but heard the squeak of the kitchen door opening wider. My eyes closed in defeat. It was over. I had been found. I opened my eyes to accept my fate, only to look down and see my little Yorkie, Peanut, at my feet. I cried as I held her. I'd somehow found my way back to her and she was OK.

And then I woke up....

So much for sleep. When I do manage to get into a deep one, nightmares go with me. Though fear was prevalent in this dream, at least it had a happy ending. Now I'll try sleeping again and hope my dreams will be about ice cream and chocolate cake...or it will be as usual, and I won't dream at all. No dreams are better than bad dreams. :-)

Peggy