Can't Sleep

It's after 1am and I can't sleep. The fibro pain is bad. I tossed and turned in bed for 3 hours. Now I'm in a recliner in the family room eating an apple...hoping that resting here will help in some way. Maybe being in a new position will lessen the pain on those pressure points; plus, sometimes it's just good to get out of bed. It's very frustrating to lie there for so long when I'm fighting sleep. I normally avoid pain meds and just try to deal with the body aches because of the affect drugs can have on my kidneys, but I broke down and took two. I'll be watching the grandkids again tomorrow so need some relief so I can hopefully get a few hours of rest.

I thought since I wasn't able to doze off yet I'd blog, but I'm not sure what to write about. I'm really tired and not much seems to be happening in my brain. You'd think that when your body isn't able to sleep that your brain would be awake too, but that's not the case...at least not with me. Maybe if I sit here long enough, or continue to babble about nothing, some invaluable thought will enter my brain that I can share. So far nothing though....

I can tell I'm tired. I was just remembering when I was a kid in Texas and chased armadillos for fun. Never did catch one of them. You wouldn't think they'd be that fast but they can really move for a little armored rat. Not like the road runner though. I'd see those while at school in New Mexico. I was supposed to be listening to the teacher, but a lot of the time I'd be looking out the classroom window. Sometimes I'd see one of those little road runners racing by in the sand (no coyote chasing after them though). :-) I'd smile each time I saw one and be amazed at their speed. I've always loved all kinds of creatures. One of my favorite things in New Mexico was hearing the hyenas at night. We'd be sitting out on the porch and it would sound like they were laughing. Illinois is so different from the places I lived as a kid. I miss the southwest.

The meds are helping. The pain is less, but I still don't feel like I can sleep. I'm going to quit trying to blog though since I'm doubtful that much will pop into my head, other than random thoughts that travel from one rabbit trail to the next without making a whole lot of sense. :-) Hope you're sleeping well!

Running in the Night

All power had been shut off and now only a few stars lit the sky. With the tall buildings blocking that light, I ran in complete darkness. The marching of the militia had become louder. I could hear their boots shuffle quickly against the gravel and rifles were being fired nearby. They had to be just around the corner so I darted into the building next to me. I climbed the steps and at the top to the right, I saw a family with small children and a dog. They were trying to hide. We looked at each other but nothing was said by any of us. I could see the fear in their eyes...it was the same fear I felt. It hurt my heart that they must live, and possibly die, this way. I turned around though and continued to run to another part of the building. Seeing no real place to hide, I peeked outside from another door. The marching seemed distant so I was safe for now. I had to get home.

Fatigue swept over me but I knew the militia was never far away. There were too many of them and they'd taken over the city. I had to keep running. I turned into an alley, staying close to the buildings hoping their shadows would hide me. I heard steps again. I dropped into what seemed like a deep window well, not knowing if I'd be able to climb back out in the dark of  night. Falling as I hit the bottom, I feared I'd made too much noise and alerted others to where I was. Whoever was walking above passed though so again, I was OK for the moment. The well I was in was deeper than I'd expected, but there seemed to be holes where I could place my feet and enough to hang onto as I made my way back up the wall. Once at the top I had to get my bearings again. My body wanted to give out but I knew I had to keep going. It wasn't just about me.

As I continued my trek, it remained quiet except for gun fire in the background and an occasional blast that would light up the sky helping me to find my way back. I could see the building now. My right leg limped as I struggled down that last block, but finally I was safe. I opened the door and stepped into an area of the house that had previously served as a kitchen to everyone. My room was in the latter part of the complex. Before I had time to make my way back to it I heard shuffling in a nearby room. Someone was near. I had to hide. I darted behind a cabinet but knew I wasn't well hid. There wasn't time to find another spot though. I couldn't see anything, but heard the squeak of the kitchen door opening wider. My eyes closed in defeat. It was over. I had been found. I opened my eyes to accept my fate, only to look down and see my little Yorkie, Peanut, at my feet. I cried as I held her. I'd somehow found my way back to her and she was OK.

And then I woke up....

So much for sleep. When I do manage to get into a deep one, nightmares go with me. Though fear was prevalent in this dream, at least it had a happy ending. Now I'll try sleeping again and hope my dreams will be about ice cream and chocolate cake...or it will be as usual, and I won't dream at all. No dreams are better than bad dreams. :-)

Peggy

Sleep

I wonder what it's like to sleep well night after night. It's close to 2am and I still can't sleep. I've dealt with insomnia most of my life for one reason or another. As a child, it was due to severe asthma. Tonight my sleeplessness is due to the fibromyalgia and pain in both knees.  Recently it was discovered that I have osteoarthritis. The good news is that the orthopedic doctor gave me a steroid shot in both knees, so they should feel better in a couple days. Now if I could get rid of the fibro pain....

I think insomnia causes or worsens issues in my life. When I don't sleep the fibro pain is acerbated, and then that causes me not to sleep. Ultimately causing my chronic fatigue. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to find a way out of. Exercise helps the fibro, but it can also cause more pain. I have to be careful to exercise every day, but not to exercise too much; and with being so tired all the time, I struggle to stay motivated to do anything. The lack of sleep and pain also cause depression, making the grief over losing both my parents a few years back linger.

Not sleeping well has also affected my memory. Though we all struggle with memory issues as we age, my memory problems became more of a concern, so much that my doctor ordered a brain scan done. I'm happy to say though, that she was pleasantly surprised to see that I do have a brain. :-) All was well with it too, so the doctor believes again that my worsening memory issues are due to my poor sleep habits and the chronic pain. That's a good thing...I guess. 

It seems almost daily lately I hear or read some news report that not sleeping enough can end your life earlier. How depressing is that??!!! Makes me so depressed I just want to sleep. But I can't!!!!

So anyway, what is is like to have a deep sleep every night? Are you in complete darkness, not remembering anything when you awaken? Do you have good dreams? I don't dream much...maybe because I don't sleep much and it's not usually a deep sleep when I do. Do mysterious beings clean your house while you're asleep. Maybe I never had any fairies or elves clean mine during the night because I never slept long enough for them to steal into my kitchen and wash my dishes without me knowing it. I wish I could tell them somehow that it's OK to do it while I'm awake! :-)

Anyway, it's good that the Lord got me back to this blog so that I had something to do while I was awake. I just finished reading my 70th book in the 2012 year...my goal was 50. I need another midnight hobby. Any ideas? 

I'll stop for now. It's 3am now and in just 2 more hours I will allow myself to make coffee. Woo hoo!!! I make myself wait till 5am just in case I can fall asleep before then. One of my sleep or sleeplessness rules. I may be falling apart everywhere else, but I do maintain my standards! :-)

I hope you had a great sleep. I'm going to lie back down and see if I can get some of that sleep I hear so much about.  

Pleasant Dreams!

Peggy