Fasting

I'm fasting today for good friends who are without jobs. I pray for them every time I think to, and then when I feel hunger or think of food, I pray again. I ask the Lord to bless Len & Gloria with work and the insurance they desperately need. I also pray that He give them the confidence to know that they do not walk this difficult path alone. Our God is with them every step of the way.

As I sat here feeling hunger pains earlier today, my mom came to mind again. It made me realize that during this time of fasting, I should pray again for God's help with my ongoing grief. I still can't think about my mother without crying. Tears fill my eyes as I write this. My dad died before Mom. I was very close to him too, but had a little preparation before his passing. He died from lung cancer after a two year battle. I was still struggling with losing him when Mom died a year later. Her death came without notice and I was totally unprepared for it. When she died something inside me broke. After a lifetime of being strong, in one blow I lost all my strength, both inner and outer. I collapsed into this darkness that enveloped my soul and was left with a void in my heart that no one could fill. Though on my own I scramble to find my way out of that hole I escaped into, I know that it's only God who can pull me through. So as I fast and pray for friends, I pray for me as well.

Praying for myself is something I don't do enough. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's a memory problem or maybe somewhere inside I don't feel deserving enough. It just seems easier to think about others' needs. It's been that way as far back as I can remember. I must remind myself though that I deserve the Lord's loving grace too. We all do. This road of life is too hard for anyone to drive through if not relying on God's support.

It doesn't have to be a fast when we look to God in prayer, but today I noticed that I went to the Lord more often with the needs of mine and those of my friends. Aside from the benefit of prayer, I believe this fasting time also brought me closer to the Lord. That void inside me doesn't seem so large and my soul feels a little brighter. I'm sure the loss of my mother and father will continue to have a grip on me, probably for a long time, but for now it's God's grip that I feel. I have His strength. Because of that, I see the importance of fasting, especially in the more difficult times.

Lord, I trust that you will answer my prayers...for my friends and me. I ask that along with jobs, you give Len & Gloria peace as they wait on you. I need that too. The pain of losing both parents still feels unbearable at times. At times I feel like an orphan, but when I pull myself closer to you, I know that I'm not. Mom and Dad will always be a part of me and some day I'll see them in Heaven. And I am your child now and forever, so never an orphan. Knowing that gives my heart joy. As you did today, Lord, continue to shine light into my soul so that I can shine your light onto others. I ask this in your son, Jesus' name. Amen.

Time to eat! :-)