Monkey Mind

Lately I've struggled with knowing what to write...seems like my mind is blank, though I know it's not.  I have a lot of thoughts but they are disjointed, like they're bouncing all over the place. I can't seem to pull words together in a way which allows me to share my thoughts in an understandable way. I have monkey mind.

Wikipedia describes monkey mind as a Buddhist term meaning, "unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconstant; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable". I don't know about being capricious, whimsical or fanciful, but unsettled, restless, inconstant, confused and indecisive fit on most days. Uncontrollable works too when you're talking about my eating habits. :-)

It's very frustrating to have a lot of thoughts, but not complete thoughts. Sometimes my mind is on one subject, then it jumps to another, and then another. I go from one rabbit trail to the next and most times don't find my way back. This happens a lot when talking to others, but I've learned to laugh about it. No point getting upset...that'd just be one more thing for my brain to bounce around all day.

This is the 3rd blog I've started in the last couple of days...the other two I never finished. Even now, when trying to write about this, my mind is flitting around like a butterfly on steroids. It seems to take forever to put a complete paragraph together in a way that is readable. I can't focus.

I read that people with fibromyalgia have minds that never shut down. It's called "monkey chatter." I know my brain is like that. I think that's partly why I don't sleep much; and then when I do sleep, it's a lighter sleep. When I wake up from sleeping, my mind is already racing...almost like it never stopped.

Mindfulness a form of deep relaxation that involves focusing on being "in the moment." It's said that if you relax in this way it will help you stop the mental chatter. This can be done by listening to music and/or focusing completely on your surroundings, while enjoying where you are and how you feel internally at that very moment. This requires a mental discipline that I struggle to find. 

Though it isn't easy for me, I need to at least try to practice mindfulness. It would hopefully help my monkey mind with it's endless chatter and also allow me to focus on, and appreciate better, this life God has given me. I don't think I can truly be grateful for all I have in the Lord when my nonsensical thoughts are jumping all over the place.

Time to end this monkey mind and apply mindfulness. We'll see how I do. Pray for me. :-)