I'm dragging today, but what's new??? :-(
Though this blog is about fibromyalgia, I'm tired of writing about its negative symptoms. I want to write about something different in my life. It feels though like I'm in this bubble that I can't get out of. I press my face against its surface to watch the world outside and see others doing what I want to do, but don't feel able. I'm too tired.
I want to cry when I write about my limitations. Though I chose to write this blog, I don't want to be seen as the girl (or woman :-) I portray here. It is who I am right now, but it's not who I want to be. I want to be the Peggy I was before fibromyalgia. Unfortunately though, it's changed me. On this day, I am who I am and have to accept that. What I can't resign myself to though, is that it'll always be this way. So I continue to push, sometimes slam myself, against this fibromyalgia bubble; hoping that someday I'll burst through it and see the real me again.
I've decided it's again time to slam that fibro bubble; and hope that with enough impact, I'll be amongst the living again. At the very least, maybe I'll feel more alive. I've made a decision to go on a mission trip with my church. I'll either go to Puerto Rico or Cambodia. They are both 10 day construction trips. Though the work involved on the trip may make my body scream, I don't care. I won't continue to allow fibromyalgia to completely strip me of me; plus, I believe the Lord will help me through it. Some might ask...why not just walk around the block more. My response is that walking around the block isn't enough motivation to push me past the pain and fatigue. I need more. Reminding myself that there are people with bigger struggles than me, and helping them in whatever way I can, might give me the push I need to burst through that fibromyalgia bubble.
Though I'll continue to have my daily struggles with fibro and/or other ailments, this mission trip will give me a positive to focus on; and with God's help, push me beyond the fatigue and pain. Instead of thinking so much about what I can't do, I'll be reminded of what I can do...not just for me, but for others too. My mood has changed since starting this blog...now the only bubbles on my mind are those you sink into when you bathe. Those are best kind of bubbles to be in...they can soothe your fibro pain and stiffness, and give your emotions a lift too! :-).