Hope

Before writing in my blog, I first read another blog about fibromyaliga. Reading Leah Tyler's thoughts helped me. She seemed to be in the same place I was/am the last few days, so it made me not feel so alone. If you want to read a great blog, go to http://chroniclesoffibro.blogspot.com. If you're dealing with fibro or something similar, I think Leah's writing will encourage you.

In the last few days, I've dealt more with the fibro fog...it feels like the air is really thick as I move through it. My head can't focus, and my mind drifts off into nothingness more than normal. It's kind of like I'm walking through a dense cloud. I feel grumpy, and sad too. Sad because my energy level is even lower than normal, sad because most of my body hurts in some way, and sad because I'm sad. I don't like to feel this way, but I'm so tired of being tired. I'm tired of there always being something wrong with me, and just plain tired from not sleeping well. I want to crawl into a hole and hide, but know I can't. As always, I have to push myself through these tougher days and have hope that the next day will be better.

To add to the fibromyalgia issues, my asthma is worse. The cold, dry air of Illinois isn't good for my lungs. And then yesterday, I was told I needed sinus surgery. My nasal cavities have narrowed, meaning if they aren't widened, I will go back into a stage of chronic sinus infections and lung problems. Since I have enough of those issues already, I don't need more; hence, the surgery is scheduled for February 27th. The surgery doesn't scare me...I've had it twice before. It does affect me emotionally. It feels like the sinus issue being this bad is one more thing wrong with me. There's already a whole list of ailments which sidetrack me from being who I want to be.

I keep hoping to some day feel as good as the Peggy from 10 years back. The bygone days of no fibromyagia symptoms, and before the asthma, allergies and sinus problems got worse...before the kidney issues too. That's crazy talk though. I am who I am on this day, and the Peggy from the past will never return. It's natural to change as we age, so I can't be who I was then. I don't think it is normal though to age in the way I have...to feel so different in regards to my energy and overall health. I see many my age who do much better. My body and mind have probably aged 20 years in the past 10. My hope though is that this sinus surgery will allow me to feel better in one way, and maybe that'll get me a little closer to the Peggy I think I should be at this age. That hope keeps the sadness from overtaking my life. A girl has to hope or she has nothing to hang onto. :-)

Though today my spirit and body are dragging, I am reminded of the Scarlett O'Hara saying in the movie, Gone With the Wind, "After all, tomorrow is another day." I have to believe that in my tomorrows, I will feel better both mentally and physically, and that will help my emotions too. Believing that is what keeps my hope alive, and with hope we can do about anything. It's what gets me out of bed each day. I hope your tomorrows will be good as well! :-)

Hope never abandons you, you abandon it. ~ George Weinberg

God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us - in the dreariest and most dreaded moments - can see a possibility of hope. ~ Maya Angelou

Hope is the physician of each misery. ~ Irish Proverb